The Commenting of the imma wiserd
by L. M. Masquerade
Summary: Yes. I, Real Men Play Quidditch, am jumping on the comment bandwagon. But not for My Immortal. No, this is almost as bad. Sit back, relax, and laugh at the lolz.
1. Chapter 1: The eyemeltingness begins

**This is my commentary on the worst fanfiction in the history of Fan Fiction dot Net: imma wiserd. I'm in bold. So, the author is ravenretalliashun, and is apparently back, and uploading this piece of shit once again/**

AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol)**(WTF?)** i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.** (Potty: toilet)**

note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin** (That embodies every black stereotype I know of. 0_o)**

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?". **(What kind of name is that? The character is named after Soulja Boy.)**

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food". **(You "gut" food?)**

"o turtle don cri" **(Where the heck did the author get that nickname?)**

"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!11111111111111 **(OMG OMG EPIC MALAPROPISM! And isn't that against the laws of magic?)**

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away.**(Um…)** i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way.**(I'm happy but not in the joyful way. -_- THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!)** den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. **(Hm. More black stereotypes.) **mah mam nd out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.**(What…. the…. heck.)**

so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST. **(Hey! I have nothing against Rastafarians!)**

**So there it be. I give it a 1 on the scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the best fanfic ever. Let's see if it gets any worse. I have 2 more chapters ready, but won't update them yet. Might be about every weekend.**


	2. Chapter 2: And it continues

AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun **(So your butt's full of inspiration?)**

den i went 2 hagwats.** (The scientific experiment where they use old people for electricity!)** dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". ** (HARRY IMPOSTER!) **i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!"

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi" **(Since when was Harry, who is white according to the books, movies, and J.K. Rowling, black?)**

"wat i said.

"u herd mi"

"dem rassist ppl!"

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz **(The Great Hall?…) ** an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw" **(Okay….)**

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. **(Harry's in Gryffindor, dipshit.) **den we both went to da room togedder. **(The commen rooms?…) **wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. **(Dumbledoor's not a position, he's a person!) **an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat means).**(Hogwarts isn't in a school district.) ** im ur dumbledoor." **(Again, Dumbledoor's not a position, he's a person!)**

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool." **(I'VE REPEATED IT TWICE: Dumbledoor's not a position, he's a person!)**

"hi mistr duumbledoor" **(It's Professor Dumbledoor. I bet he's rolling in his grave right about now.)**

"yo can call mi alvin". **(And Snape's Simon, while Flitwick is Theodore!)**

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed

"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks" **(It's QUIDDITCH. And don't 11 year olds think girls have cooties?)**

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?" **(50 Cent's not in the magical world, dipshit.)**

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry

we were best frends. **(That took about 2 seconds.)**


	3. Chapter 3: It still is killing my eyes

AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it! **(No. Just no. If you publish this, the publisher might as well be BLIND. And mite's are bugs.)**

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :) **(Do you mean CHILDREN were chilling? And it's called the Great Hall. As I believe I have already said.)**

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!" **(Hey! I want talking crackers! Can I have English Wheat Thins?)**

"y" i sed

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. **(Slytherins?…)** ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist." **(I wonder if Draco Malfoy has a problem with Rastafarians…)**

"ok" i sed

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. **(Is that supposed to be Hermione?) **she fell in love wit me. **(1 second! New record!) **it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. **(ALL the classes are magic.) **the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. **(NOOO! NOT MCGONAGALL!) **"letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik." **(Is there lime green magic?)**

"well ok" i sed

she gave us lots o homwork.

we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski. **(How can a snitch fly in a ski?)**

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu **(Flu: sickness.) **into da sky.

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. "sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!" **(That sounded soooo wrong. GO AWAY EVIL MENTAL IMAGES!)**

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i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. **(Hey! It's Voldemort! I hope…)**He poented his wond at me "die".**(Do you mean Avada Kedevra? )** i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed. **(How anti-climatic.)**

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died. **(YAY! HE DIED!)**


End file.
